When someone asks you, “Describe yourself,” or “Tell me a little about you.” I wish there was a way that I could collectively put into words exactly what I want to say. And now, I have the opportunity to do just that.
I’m a 24-year-old, college graduate, trying to search for what it is exactly I am meant to do. So where do I start? I suppose my hobbies might underline the credentials that I see in myself. I express myself through writing. I believe that the written word can consume its reader far more than speaking face-to-face. Perhaps it’s the time in which we live in, but technology has made it easier to write down thoughts and feelings down to an exact science. I believe that writing is an outlet for any person. Writing is a creative nook for individuals. Therefore, I think my aspiration is to be involved in the creative realm of writing – let that be producing, coordinating, researching, creating, etc. I hope that my interest in writing can lead me to a future path of success in one of these fields.
My passion for the arts has always seem to come back to direct me in my career path. At first, I wanted to be an Art Teacher. However, my university dropped that as an option to major in when I began my education in 2007. I majored in English education and minored in the Fine Arts (with a focus on Photography.) As months passed after graduating and teaching abroad in Germany, I found myself at J.Crew as part of the Visual Merchandising team. However, my craving for the arts has not been met in a few years. I’d like to go back to the days of examining the perfect angle for that photograph or direction for a scene. I’d like to go back to the days where artistic ability was pushed and forced to grow outside the box. I want to learn more in areas of creativity that I haven’t had the opportunity to develop over the last few years.
So if you were to ask me now, “Tell me a little about you,” I’d have to reflect my words over the last two paragraphs. I believe I’m a passionate writer, an eccentric mind, a dedicated hard-worker, and a goal-oriented young-adult looking to break through in the creative world of careers.
The difference between wanting and needing still boggles my brain.
I want to be happy. But doesn’t everyone have the ever ending craving to need happiness? How do you differentiate the two. WANT VS. NEED.
Happiness is something that both, well according to me, I want & need.
So who’s to decide between the crazed desire for happiness over the human crave for happiness. It doesn’t play out in my head as clearly as I had hoped.
I’d like to be happy. I’d like to feel as though I fulfilled everyday as the sun sets behind the trees that stand out my window of my childhood home. I’d like acts of human kindness to fill me with joy. I’d like to laugh at the small crap and become overwhelmed with excitement when positivity enters my life. I’d like all these things. But do I need them? Or is that just me wanting the best that life has to offer and skipping over the bullshit that this twenty-something year old claims to be life altering.
The offers don’t seem to be heading my way. I know, I know, I’m playing the blame game and asking for sympathy. But in actuality, I’d like advice. I don’t need or want the advice, I’d like someone, somewhere to relate to me. Tell me that it’s okay to ask for advice without having a pity party - or rather stating I NEED help or I WANT help. Ya dig?
How do you, the person (yes 1 person that reads this blog) and I relate? Well. Please look at the list I have complied below.
- You’re a twenty-something year old or have surpassed this mark in your life and are willing to come forth.
- You live at home with your parents (two year mark in February, booyah.)
- You are part-time or unemployed and don’t enjoy either choice, or have experienced the road that I’ve been traveling in the career front.
- You keep putting yourself out there (socially, professionally, not sexually because let’s face it no one in the room is in any realm close to the attractiveness you look for in another human being.)
- You’d like to be happy
- You’ve gotten this far in my blog that something sparked your interest enough to continue. (And if this is my Dad reading, then thanks Dad for not giving up on my little writings thus far!)
There. We’re alike, you and me. So what’s the advice that you’re gonna give me now?
I’d like something to change. I’d like to move forward. I’d like that happiness to enter back into the life that seems to be drained from the bumps in the road.
But I know that the things that I need and want are out there somewhere. I’d just like a nudge in the right direction.
Sina & I at Top of the Rock June 2013
It seems as though there is an apparent theme in this “blog” of mine: the lack of clarity.
I need to be more clear when I write. Like the one post where I wrote a letter to myself. (Scroll down, I dare you.)
I’m a determined person, or so I like to believe so. I’m determined to write my next chapter. I’ve matured into the young adult that I want to grow into. I’m determined to develop. I’m determined to learn. I’m determined to evolve.
There is a huge world that I want to embark on. I’m exhausted of treading down the current that I’ve been riding for a year and a half. It’s time for my feet to find a way out. I know the path is right ahead of me, but there seems to be a barricade in my way. As if my feet want to plant down, but more than anything I want to be a transplant.
I want to relocate somewhere off into this huge world before me.
The clarity in which I am so eager to grasp is how am I, a 23-year-old college graduate, supposed to just jump into this dream I’ve been dreaming. Is it only a dream? No.
It can be reality. As real as the keys that my fingers glide across at this moment. As real as the thoughts that form into words that I type before both you (whoever reads this) and myself. This dream of a life in which I am destined to walk through.
My eyes can’t see it. My feet can’t lead me there. My mind can’t imagine it. But my will power and dedication CAN create it.
I feel like there might be an opening in this bumpy current sooner than I expect. I feel it. There are no words to describe the feeling I have other than this itching crave, this burning desire, this passion for change.
It’s there. Now I just have to be clear with my words, with myself, with the reality of the dream. Time to create the dream to something obtainable.
Clarity will set in with time.
There’s a huge world out there for it not to.
I keep preparing myself in this process of job hunting/interviewing/applying. But it seems like no matter what I do, I fall a little short.
This kitty knows exactly how I feel.
BUT there’s hope.
No matter how many times I fall, I will get back up. I will learn more from my failures than my successes.
It’s that fall into the shitter, that makes you get back up to try again. Regardless of the failures, I’m learning to never stop chasing my dreams - or get to that higher ledge.
Keep reaching for that goal.
In addition to my feel good day, how could I not include Joan from Mad Men to make me feel even more empowered. 12 days until I get to see a fictional character who I want to be just like - in the career sense people.
When I woke up today, I had a good feeling about myself, the world around me, and something good might just happen (might).
Last night I went to a meeting that really opened my eyes. I would prefer to leave the details aside for now, until I feel more open to disclosing how it really was life changing.
Needless to say, I wanted to feel like Matt Damon above this morning when I woke up. Let’s grove, let’s move forward.
So what’s the deal? I’m hoping that I hear back from someone in my career life (or at least that’s the positive Emma side today.) After applying to countless fashion, music, and anything creative-based opportunities, I’m itching to get my hands on something here soon. I finally applied some places that are making me feel pretty happy about my future life and career choices.
Anyway, with all the negative posts I’ve been writing I believe that it’s time to slip away from the Emo Emma 2.0 phase and slowly creep forward to the light at the end of the tunnel. Because let’s face it, it’s not easy being nearly 24, living at home, and trying to figure where the last five years of your life went - and most importantly, what they went to.
Frequently I sit at this computer, covered with memories, and I think to myself where I will be sitting with this computer in 6 months to a year (if she lasts that long - the computer not me, duh.) But today, I just have to breathe in, one step at a time. And be thankful that I am sitting here typing away my swollen fingers (thanks to chinese food, whoops) - but I am here. And for that, I need to be beyond thankful. I need to realize that I should take in the world around me and use everything that I have learned to move forward. Moving on. Remembering, but moving on.
But to constantly keep in mind anything that pushes us down, we need to remember, it’s how we get back up again.
So today, I feel like Matt Damon could teach me a thing or two about a thing or two.
After the last few weeks things have been apparently unclear to me.
How many more jobs can I apply to? Event planning, communications, PR, creative searches, it all seems to be just a list. I want a new chapter to begin. But when do the searches turn into realities?
I’m over qualified to be doing what I am doing now in my life. So where will I fit in? I want to start writing the next part of my life.
I need someone to tell me how the rest of my life is going to look. Why I shouldn’t give up - which job is right for me - where to apply to - where to move to - where am I going to be the happiest person that I can be?
I just wish someone could tell me that simple answer, where do I find happiness?
I know I am more than all of this.
It’s just one of those self-doubting days. I need some answers. But all I do is let me fingers type away on this site and on the list. I wish they would type away the next answer to my unsolved questions.